Page 504 - Revelation

Svetlana de Rohan-Levashova. Revelation

were unable to identify where the morgue was. I went to the hospital’s waiting room,
showed Svetlana’s death certificate to a receptionist and when she began to explain me
something in French, I said that I spoke English, but she did not.

A nurse who spoke English more or less fluently appeared in fifteen or twenty
minutes and explained the way to the morgue. We went down there, rang the bell, I
showed the death certificate again and with my gestures explained that I would like to
see my wife’s body. It took several minutes for them to understand what I wanted.
After several minutes more I was invited to a special room where they brought
Svetlana’s body. It was incredibly painful to see the body of my dearest person lying
on a morgue carriage.
It had already been a week since Svetlana was murdered. Her body was cold; the
rough traces of the stitches of the autopsy were clearly visible. I felt how the indignation
rose in my soul–did they really have to shred her body? I sat down next to it and began
to stroke her forehead and hair; she loved so much when I did that. I stroked her hair
and spoke to her. I knew that her spirit was near me and she heard my every word. I
spoke and kept speaking to her and continued to stroke her hair… This was the way we
met for the first time after four long years of living apart…

Her skin was of quite normal colour. It glittered and gradually became warm under
my hand. It seemed that Svetlana just slept; if it were not for the total immobility so
unusual for a living thing, one might think that she was submerged in a lethargic sleep.
However the stitches left no doubt about the reality, despite her healthy skin colour.
Even death could not fully kill the life in her. I would gladly die instead of her. I have
seen the face of death thousands of times, but how unbearably hard it was to see the
lifeless body of the person who was more precious to me than anything else in my life,
more precious than my own.
I am not afraid of death. The most frightful thing for me is to see the death of my
nearest and dearest. At once I begin to think that I spent too little time with her, did not
say as many warm words which could give her additional strength as I should have,
that I should have insisted more strongly on carrying out new transformations. When I
saw Svetlana’s infinitely tired eyes, I felt pity and agreed to wait when she asked me
to postpone the work for tomorrow or the weekend when I had a lesser work-load.
When I remember all that, I start to blame myself that I did not insist and convince her
to carry out the transformation despite her tiredness, then, probably, Svetlana would
be alive even after such a blow. So it had happened that the realization of my
fundamentally new solution had been postponed for the third week. The anxiety grew
in me, and on Friday, November, 12, after the new powerful attacks had begun, I said
to Svetlana that tomorrow, no matter what, I would perform the new transformation of
her brain which would bring us to an absolutely new level with which the Dark could
do nothing…But the transformation was never performed and now I see Svetlana’s
lifeless body and my soul is torn into billions of pieces of pain…

One person e-mailed me that he was a dark in the past and that he often had to kill
people that were dear to him and that the Dark were strong also because they do not
have emotions, and that in order to win over them, one has to learn from them to be
indifferent to everything. Maybe the Dark indeed are exactly that way, but I am not

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